I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
