3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize