he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
