allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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