I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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