Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
