Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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