the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
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I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
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it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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