Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
