I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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