He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
