some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
