drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
