Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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