She is in my trunk
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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