i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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