didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
