Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
