i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Someone signed my nipple.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
