I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
why do cheetos always look like penises
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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