When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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