You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
