I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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