If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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