Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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