How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
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We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
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You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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