Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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