I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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