so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
