Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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