We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I am available for nakedness
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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