Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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