This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize