oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sorry about my life...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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