Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
