U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Enjoy the penises
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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