Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
