Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
