God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Boobs are out for the taking
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
