Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
