Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
