Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
