My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
