I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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