dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize