how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
