1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
