New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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