I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
is it fun? or sober?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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