He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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