Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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