I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
