come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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