Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
