You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
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sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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