you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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