In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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