never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
