yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
