My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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