I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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