my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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