apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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