for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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