I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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