Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm at about main and main street
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
