We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
